I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
