Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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