I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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