Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
