i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
