loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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