turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
