I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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