Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
