Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
