I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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