I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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