Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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