Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
