I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
