from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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