those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
