Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Randomize
