oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
