You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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