Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize