I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
