Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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