capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
