I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
