His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize