Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
