listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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