I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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