oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
