Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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