somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We named our party play list daddy issues
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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