he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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