Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
