you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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