I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
