And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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