I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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