I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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