i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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