If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
