i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
