I must be too annoying 4 u.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
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Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize