She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize