We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
