Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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