Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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