And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
