We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We just shotgunned beers for America
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
