Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize