dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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