I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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