she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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