I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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