if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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