In America we eat man semen.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
