yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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