you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
