did you get engaged???
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
