You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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