Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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