i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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